The Amazing Anus

** Not intended for all audiences. Viewer Discression Advised. **

It's such a pleasure to study medicine.

Daily we dive head first into the ultimate taboo subjects. I get to spend ALL day talking about people's unmentionables - their body parts, personal functions and intimate habbits. Topics the average american rarely speaks of - or at least rarely mentions outside their Dr.'s office.

Well I'm happy to announce - Here I am world - ready to hear about your bodily dysfunctions.

[insert picture of Lucy from Charlie Brown - 5cents per session in front of her wooden booth]

Yesterday at 8am we were introduced to the tall, strong, confident, deep voiced Dr. C - the only female MD at a prominent Colon and Rectal clinic in Oregon. Truly a fascinating lecture - the most intrigued I've been all year. Surprise? Not really. As most of you know, stories of gross and interesting bodily behaviors have always been my favorite - much to your expense during meal time stories.

Sitting in lecture was truly a pleasure! 4 hours straight of colons, pruritis ani, fissures, hemorrhoids, fecal incontinence, prolapses, abscesses, sphincter pressure and the amazing anus.
Complete with pictures.

Pure Fun.

Let's all take a moment and celebrate the anus (techically the rectum I should say). It's a medical term so I'll use it unashamedly - you all need to get more comfortable with these words. Imagine life without our fair friend - the few inches of highly innervated circular tissue at the bottom of our long tortuous food canal. It's constantly acting as a reservoir - at the end of which is the little, tightly wound sphincter muscle - the famous gatekeeper - our friend every minute of everyday.

(In case you didn't know, sphincter is my favorite word)

Our anus and its best friend sphincter are a specialized team. The dream team. One of the smartest muscle teams in the body. Think about it. Open your mouth - insert a cookie, an ounce of milk, and some helium gas. Not so hard, huh?

Now bend over forward and let ONLY the gas escape from your lips without losing any of the other contents.

Pretty impossible. Well - this is what your anus and sphincter do EVERY DAY!! A miracle, don't you think?

So let's all pause to take a second and thank our little (or big) back sides - for all the work they do day and night to keep us clean and dry.

For your reading pleasure I took it upon myself to record the best nuggets of insight straight from the fabulous Dr. C....enjoy!

"...I know the butt like the back of my hand..."
"Your rectum is truly one of the smartest parts of your body..."
"...you can only stretch your butt so much with out it hurting..."
"... doc ... I got a pull tab down by my anus..."
" ...they can be little, they can be big, but if you see a big red butt cheek - then holy hannah - send them away..."
..."use a little needle...but brace yourself - it'll hurts like heck..."
"...found impacted stool the size of your head....weighed it....unfortunately we don't get paid by the pound...she was so thankful...."
"...just cut the edges....leave a little sac...let the puss drain out....don't need to torment them...."
"...she said "I feel like I have a twinky in my butt....".... I looked ... and in fact it was like a monster twinky hanging outside her butt....I told her .... we have a date in the operating room later today...."
"...the procedure...it's basically like hotwelding the vessels...to the sides of the anus..."
"....it was a larger man...absess....literally 1 liter of puss....yes, I measured it...."
"...bad butt organisms killing your tissue...we tried to save the testicles...it was a hard surgery"
"...I filleted open her rectum....I cut through her sphincter...then I basically had to reupholstered them...."
"....now you go out and save the bottoms of the world..."

Man I love PA school